This Road…
Self-Discovery & Acceptance

When we are children, our parents—or whoever is “in charge”—control the narrative of our lives.

• Where we grow up
• The conditions we’re born into
• Our stability and quality of life

They pass on their beliefs, standards, and principles—sometimes out of love and life experience. Other times, they traumatize us through negligence, abuse, ignorance, or misinformation, to name a few.

Many of us experience a combination of it all. And it all teaches us. It teaches us how to be, what to expect, what’s acceptable and what’s not—often ingraining both delusion and disillusionment.

The way we respond plays a huge role in how things play out. Every time we face the crossroads of resistance and compliance, we choose a path that contributes to shaping our identity—how we see ourselves and how we see the world.

When we leave the larger influences of childhood and step into adulthood, there are those who follow the path put before them and remain unchanged, without question or concern.

The loyal.
The compliant.
The group thinkers.

They proudly carry the torch like a baton in a relay race, passed along to the next leg. They keep traditions without curiosity or creating any of their own. They worship the god of their mother and their mother’s mother without question or exploration. They struggle with the addictions of their father and their father’s father without pause or the urge to research and heal—saying yes when they want to say no to keep the peace and avoid disappointment.

Then there are those who resist and set out to create a new narrative.

The outsiders.
Outcasts.
Rebels.
Loners and weirdos.
Philosophers, trailblazers, and way makers.

They don’t fit in with the group. They think differently—presenting conflicting ideas and questioning authority. Sometimes they pretend to agree or hide in silence until it becomes too exhausting and authenticity is the only relief. Some resist quietly, others dramatically. Both feel there’s something inside them that won’t let them go along with the consensus of the group.

It questions things. It thinks before jumping to conclusions—and those conclusions often differ from the people around them. They’re not moved by what moves their neighbor. They are, simply put, wired differently.

These are polar opposite types of people. I have been both compliant and resistant. A loud resister and a quiet one—sometimes oscillating between the two depending on the topic at hand.

Storytime Detour

A woman once told me that I needed to leave home—out of state or even out of the country—even if I eventually decided to move back. She said I needed to go away for a while, see something different, make my own decisions, and discover who I am on my own terms.

I was 18 at the time, telling her I had decided to go to college in my hometown.

Because my parents weren’t strict and I had a lot of freedom, I thought what she said didn’t apply to me. But in my early 20s, two major moves became the catalysts that dramatically altered my life trajectory—and now I fully understand her point.

The first move was spiritual and mental.
The second was physical.

I began the path of waking up to my SELF.

The First Move

In 2012 or ’13, I experienced a spiritual and mental shift—an awakening—and I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was living in Memphis, in my first apartment alone, without a parent, roommate, or partner. I was a devout Christian, looking to go deeper in my faith and grow my relationship with God.

I felt like there was more, but I didn’t know what that meant. So I prayed to “find God for myself, on my own, in my own way.”

Something changed immediately inside me—like everything aligned in that moment. It wasn’t loud or dramatic. It didn’t shake me to my core. It was quiet. It felt like resonance. Like peace.

That was the day I stepped into wholeness with myself—and simultaneously lost my religion.

At first, I was confused and insecure about my identity and how to explain myself to people… and still be accepted. I didn’t yet know I was a people pleaser. It’s laughable now, looking back at my younger self claiming ZERO F^$KS energy while mostly playing small out of fear of rejection.

Every now and then I’d go all in—100%—but those moments felt too vulnerable, so I’d retreat back into hiding and invisibility.

Life experience has taught me that people pleasing is a waste of energy. People either don’t care or will think whatever they want anyway—usually based on feelings over facts. So why not redirect that energy into something more worthy:

SELF excavation.
Discovery.
Acceptance.

The Second Move

In September 2014, I moved to Atlanta, Georgia—389 miles away from home.

As I was leaving, I remembered those words about needing to go away to discover who I am. This time, I understood them. I felt them.

To Bring It All Together

These two moves were major pivot points in my life. And the discovering hasn’t stopped.

Here are a few things I’ve learned so far on my path of self-discovery and acceptance:

I am the light and the dark
I am brave and scared
I am ambitious and a self-starter
I procrastinate and self-sabotage
I am orderly and chaotic
I am animated and unenthusiastic
I am compliant with some things and resistant to others
I live with an open mind and heart
I am unapologetically me
I am allowed to take up space
I am enough just like this

I used to try to fit into “ideal” boxes—ideals that weren’t my own, but who I thought I needed to be in order to be enough. I’m unlearning that practice day by day. Some days are better than others.

But as life goes on, I get better and better at being authentically where I am in the moment—without the pressure to perform as anything else.

This Road…Self-Discovery & Acceptance

Storytime Detour

To Bring It All Together

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This Road…
Self-Discovery & Acceptance